The Judgy

The superego is one of the instances of personality described by Freud, whose function is comparable to that of an internal censor or judge. It is formed by the internalization of parental demands and prohibitions, becoming our moral conscience, which tells us what is right or wrong and what is outlawed. In addition, it includes the ideal of what we should be. That is, it fulfills the function of judge and model or ideal of our conduct. This internal censor has conscious and unconscious aspects, so many times we do not realize how it moves us and affects us.

This necessary censorship instance can be transformed into a persecutory Judge who harasses you with unattainable demands. Nothing you do seems to be enough because the voice of the hypercritical judge whispers to you that you are not good, that you are insufficient, you are an imposter, a fraud, and others will notice it. You begin to feel guilty, ashamed, and full of anxiety, perceiving the people around you with looks of judgment for your imaginary faults. You try to defend yourself from that shadow that hangs over you, preventing you from enjoying your life and the things you do. It traps you in a labyrinth arguing with the Judgy trying to defend yourself in an exhausting imaginary trial within your mind.

What to do with the Judgy?

We can take a trip through the past to review how the relationship with our parents was, maybe we felt that their love was conditioned to our achievements, maybe they were very demanding, or their expectations were very high. We can review what messages we recorded about ourselves, about feeling worthy of love. We review in past and present what messages we receive from our social environment, which perhaps pressures us without realizing it with ideas of what it is to be successful. We could also identify traits in our personality such as being excessively self-demanding, critical, and perfectionist. It is about understanding how our superego has been structured, not about feeding it with endless analysis. Once we identify that internal aspect you will stop the argument with the Judgy; simply because in doing so it sucks you into those spaces full of anxiety, sadness, guilt, and fear in which you perceive yourself inadequate or insufficient. You see him and say firmly: Enough, I don't allow it.  It is an aspect of you, only you can modify or contain it. Then, you review the situation in which it is presented, take a deep breath, and stand in love for yourself. You can try to do the best you can in every circumstance, be it work, a relationship a creation... and that's enough. You get out of unrealistic expectations, of comparisons, of the imaginary gaze of the other in judgment or criticism. You can only do the best you can and love yourself in that instant.

 

Many will tell me that it is very difficult, that it always comes back, that it is exhausting, that it never shuts up, that they feel the disqualifying look of their inner judge chasing them even in the bathroom. Love is the path of healing and self-realization, and like any path it requires the repetition of the steps to be able to walk it and get where you want. You identify the Judge, you tell him enough, I do not allow it; you stand in love for yourself, you choose what you want to do, you do the best you can and that's enough. Over and over again you repeat that sequence until it becomes your natural way of being.

Tibaire Cristina Gonzalez