Doggy love 1 (December 2017): Aegon

Again, I am in love... That means my comfort space, my freedom and my free time are over.

Immigrant, suddenly disconnected from my work, my patients, my academic environment, family, and friends... I have an excess of energy to share. Perhaps that is why, for some time I have expressed the wish to adopt a puppy, a loving being who needs me and who expresses affection in my style... or the doggy style, that is, unconditionally. Moving from a longing or a dream to reality has an active bridge to cross.

I live in a small apartment in a residential complex next to a beautiful lake and because now I have a lot of free time, I have it obsessively impeccable. My longing to give affection was dashed by the cold daily life in a new country and a sweet daughter, but naturally absent in the virtual world of teenagers; so, the puppy's fantasy grew. One day, with the support of my niece, I ended up in the county’s animal shelter, looking for a dog to adopt. As love is unpredictable, the lightning struck me in the third cage and stopped me in front of a gray giant, who jumped playful to lick my hand. My common sense told me I should see the other dogs, look for a smaller one or run away to keep my impeccable peace of mind. However, love and common sense have historically not been best friends. Against all logic I left the shelter with my new son, very much like a pit bull, although perhaps to facilitate his adoption his card said mixed large breed. Despite its fierce and muscular appearance... the poor guy was in a terrible state of panic as he left the enclosed space. Clinging to the floor like a giant tick, I had to drag him to the car. I imagine his former owner had him locked up so he was not used to see open spaces. Despite his terror and my funny efforts to drag him out of his jail, he never growled or tried to bite me.

It was really an odyssey our first walks outside the apartment, which surprisingly led my quiet neighbors to interact socially. It is amazing how the presence of a dog builds bridges among strangers. Beyond the laconic "Hi", for the first time my neighbors were interested in talking to me offering ideas to bring my fearful giant down the stairs.

My friends approached that night to meet my baby. My daughter's father with his optimistic style welcomed me to slavery and gave us a week. I’m not sure if he was talking about the dog with us or he was referring to the survival of my leather sofas that I haven't paid yet. My mother with her usual common sense questioned the loss of my comfort and the freedom to go out without the concern of a dog; she also wondered what would I do with the dog... if a two-legged love appeared in my life.

After two days in my ex impeccable apartment, my adopted son began to understand that it was better to poop and pee outside. Of course, that meant taking him for a walk almost ten times a day. At night I wondered if I had made a huge mistake adopting a dog, and how it was now impossible for me to betray the innocent gaze of my gray giant, to return him to the cage of a dog shelter, waiting for the possibility of being put to down if no one adopted him. Unfortunately, I am pathologically faithful and loyal to my word.

But love is like this, it inevitably takes you out of your comfort zone to take on the risk of being the need of another, but also their object of love. My ex sees the slavery of cleaning or taking him for walks and my nice leather couch in danger. My mother imagines my difficulty to travel with a future suitor... I see my sweet giant who has forced me to watch the sunrise in pajamas to keep him from pooping in my living room. I see a companion to walk every path around the lake without fearing of an alligator or any other animal. Together we watch the moon and starry skies feeling the scents and sounds of the night. How can I describe these moments of amazing loneliness in nature, with my friendly monster accompanying me? Reminding me who I really am.

I really don't give a damn about the sofas or the wooden floor, when my loving giant looks at me with that innocence of his curious pupils for every gesture of mine. I think he laughs at the air freshener, playing with an old shoe or grasping my hand between gentle teeth, to remind me that we only have the moment present, shared in unconditional love.

Tibaire Cristina Gonzalez